Oahu, Hawaii

Oahu, Hawaii

“I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted to lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty. How free it is, you have no idea how free – the peacefulness is so big it dazes you.” – Sylvia Plath, an excerpt from ‘Tulips’.

Here’s a small glimpse of my time in Oahu. I have to admit, I was slightly biased as to what it would be like. And, being there, completely removed all those preconceived notions that I had floating around in the sunken depths of my skull. It made me fall in love, over and over again. With fallen flowers, the fluidity of ebb and tide. With first light that hits the beating shore. With reflections of strangers, masquerading as myself. Air. Fresh, crisp, air. And the nectarine sticky-sweet, sun – fading too briefly to sting.

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Vegan Chocolate Mousse with Cardamom Coconut Cream

Vegan Chocolate Mousse with Cardamom Coconut Cream

Underlined passages, fragments of happiness that traverse the body and raise bridges all around because elsewhere and in the wild blue yonder they say there’s euphoria.” – Nicole Brossard, from ‘Soft Link 1″.

This is home, finally! And it feels good. To be back, that is. I never thought I would openly profess that. I was contented with lush rolling mountains, piercing turquoise oceans, palm trees and pale sand. Efflorescent underneath sharp streaks of hot sun. But somewhere, my lifeblood was beating from a far different direction, and the life I’ve created at home, was waiting for my return. My desire has always been to escape and run, to be part of some kind of nomadic, aimless existence. And I continue to feel it over-and-over again. Never enough horizon, never enough experience. Call it a slightly romanticised perspective, but whatever. It’s universal escapism in its first and finest form. Exisiting is exhausting, and I’m still trying to live with it.

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Dark Chocolate Merveilleux with Honey and Lavender

Dark Chocolate Merveilleux with Honey and Lavender

“When I woke, the morning light was just slipping in front of the stars and I was covered in blossoms.” – Mary Olive, from Blue Iris

There’s always been a deep desire within my soul to run. I feel it in every fibre, every atom, every crevice and fleshed crack. To escape to unknown possibility, without destination or desolate end. Where the air remains warm, slow and unhurried.  To wander in a kind of nomadic existence, tethering on the side of both light and dark, fleeing to some kind of self-induced euphoria. Where she grows in radiance, impenetrable desire and luminous ecstasy, wearing her bona fide sins like stars that illuminate the endless night.

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Brown Butter Rye Crêpes with Whipped Chestnut Créme

Brown Butter Rye Crêpes With Whipped Chestnut CrémeBrown Butter Rye Crêpes With Whipped Chestnut Créme

“This jasmine in the July night is a song for two strangers who meet on a street leading nowhere. Who am I after your two almond eyes? the male stranger asks. Who am I after your exile in me? the female stranger asks. Well then, let us not stir the salt of ancient seas in a remembering body. She was re-creating his warm flesh, and he, hers.” – Mahmoud Darwish, “Night That Overflows My Body.”

Straight up, Happy New Year! I’m here with a new recipe for Brown Butter Rye Crêpes with Whipped Chesnut Créme and mixed musings on meaning, intentions and fresh starts. So much occurred this year past, none the least of which was able to be foreseen – pure and achingly beautiful in life’s manifold unreliability and without fail uncharted timeline. And that’s the perfect part. Being able to live a life that’s in constant contention with the everyday.

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Brioche Doughnuts with Matcha White Chocolate Glaze

Brioche Doughnuts with Matcha White Chocolate GlazeBrioche Doughnuts with Matcha White Chocolate Glaze

December. This heart full of tears and of night.” – Albert Camus, Notebooks.

The tree is up. The balsam branches wildly twinkled with warm lights, hints of gild. There’s tapered candles, and wood, woven stockings hung on brass animal-esque ornaments. I could go on and on, but I won’t. It’s become hard to embrace the Christmas season. Not, because I don’t love it…I do, trust me, I do. It’s more that, lately, I’ve been feeling like there’s something missing, something I’m so desperately desiring to experience.

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Pink Champagne, White Chocolate and Rose Layer Cake

Pink Champagne, White Chocolate and Rose Layer CakePink Champagne, White Chocolate and Rose Layer Cake

There are stars in your dark side, brighter than the sun.” – Andrea Gibson.

Layer cakes are happening more than usual in my kitchen. It’s to be expected though, willingly or not, the holiday season of extravagance – is upon us. It’s an occasion deserving of cake, a sparkling Pink Champagne Layer Cake made even more decadent by the addition of White Chocolate and Rose. It’s so perfect for a celebration. 

What’s strange is that champagne has never been my celebratory drink of choice. Perhaps it’s because I’ve always shunned any kind of forlorn tradition that deemed what I should be, do…drink. It’s definitely part of my subconscious superiority (or subjective inferiority) complex that seems to permeate through everything I do. It’s a precipice, and I’m slowly working on it. It will forever be xo café patrón that I turn too to make my heart sing. But champagne in baked goods? It’s something extra. I’m hooked, completely and utterly. 

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